1. Tiny Confession

    There is a fancy Dyson vacuum cleaner in the next office with a big orange ball that you can just see out of the corner of your eye when you are making coffee in this office.  

    Every time I do, I mistake the ball for a pumpkin and the part of me that will probably always be (on an almost completely controlled and actively ignored level) …a kleptomaniac freetarian*, salivates about how delicious it would be to steal it and turn it into a soup.

    It really stresses me out whenever I notice myself doing that.

    Pavlov would have a field day with me.

    *Yeah, no foolin’: that was a phase. 
    That’s still in me, somewhere.
    The funnest of fun times.

  2. image: Download

    +10   New(mismatic) Chris Ware!  -0.01 No reference to ass pennies. 
NET: STILL +9.99! 

    +10   New(mismatic) Chris Ware
    -0.01 No reference to ass pennies.

    NET: STILL +9.99! 

  3. (I sent at least one shitty email yesterday and am deeply sorry.°)


    Anyhow, Marion¹ suddenly remembered that despite the periodic art projects, she actually did sort of have a web based comic back in the day. (It was like Goofus and Gallant, but with ducks.) It isn’t all evergreen; certainly the above images make more sense with the text on the site proper; and the Terry Tate or “Sugar Tits” or Floyd Landis references kind of tie it to a era; but when we² started exploring the idea that maybe “useful” didn’t always mean “right” or “good”, hoho.

    There are lessons that have to be learnt a hundred different ways.

    ° If it hit the wrong note: sincerely, incredibly fucking³ sorry.
    ¹ …sometimes “Mary Ann” when feeling more islandy than arky.
    ² my core group of colleagues at the time were the site’s primary submitters.
    ³ It never sounds natural coming out of me. I’m a talking dog.

  4. -D is the only application that I have set to open automagically upon booting on this computer.  I keep it set at “all” references inclusive of the British Dictionary and British Thesaurus because sometimes it’ll pull up some capital, wizard, corking, spiffing, ripping, cracking, top-hole, topping, champion, beezer, swell, and frabjous options that might more effectively convey the exact nuance for which I’m hunting.

    Top-hole, ladies and gentlemen. 




    .. (from Greek θησαυρός - thēsauros, meaning “treasure store”, romanized as thesaurus)

    has always been one of my favorite little ideas.  One thinks Roget wasn’t intentionally thinking “let’s hope this sticks”, but something magical happened in the same way as Plagiarism's etymological back story, I think:

    The use of the Latin word plagiarius (literally kidnapper), to denote someone stealing someone else’s work, was pioneered by Roman poet Martial, who complained that another poet had “kidnapped his verses.”

    Ugh.  Numbers are great, but I just like words so much.
    (Numbers seem to like me back, but words could sorta say so.) 

    Today, I will find the right ones, surely.

  5. Plays: 28

    _Documentation of a Treasury of Very Short MP3 Files_
    (Part A of Aª)

    Length: 13 seconds
    Audio: [A Wake-up Call from Mr. Stephen Fry]
    Propriety: It may be masked by the accent, but still subtly not for everyone.
    Use: I believe maybe in the early 2000’s, (I was surely still a grad student,) instead of buying the proper clock this was from, I snagged the audio and dumped it into some software as the alarm.

  6. Plays: 24

    (130s) Heir Apparent In About an Hour.

  7. I forgot the sort of grim resignation that comes with packing up to go to work a bit after 8PM knowing full well that the work would continue through 8AM and would probably have to continue through the next normal person work day.  I’ve consumed a liter of coffee and it is hardly even bizarro-10AM yet! 

    One could lament this as a reversion to an unhealthier time (ME-Classic™!) but on the other side of this deadline we’re just going to treat this as a nostalgic adventure in tourism of a former lifestyle. 

    There’s an outline.  There’s a checklist.  There is at least one coauthor on the same page, and though perhaps he lacks a spiffy accent; not even going to finish the thought.  Breathe deep, count your blessings, turn the background music up.

  8. 13:15

    Notes: 4

    I got stood up the other night (It was kinda everything I wanted and the “Let Us Never Speak of the Shortcut Again” protocol has been in full effect, so also everything I could have hoped for,) and I ended up loitering at a thrift store.

    Despite considering some other purchases (but not wanting to invest in a VCR or Table covered in the detritus of strangers,) I ended up buying and listening to a cassette of the soundtrack of “The Music Man”. I have now listened to it in my car twice.

    A quarter well spent.

  9. 16:33 5th Apr 2014

    Notes: 1

    "One thing I will say about the Amish: when they’re doing things they’re not supposed to, they are quite inventive."

    The pigeon drug dealer’s name turned out to be Melvin.

    (I have cousins who also train carrier pigeons, but those ones probably don’t run drugs.  I hope.  Just because I wouldn’t want them to get in trouble.)

    (Source: discovery.com)

  10. image: Download

    This may be the novelty of the moment talking, but:

This is probably one of the 100 greatest things I’ve ever seen. 

A serving size based on time! Time!  Product has mass and volume and you measure it out by time. Of course you do. But I think it is still kind of amazing in its own right.

    This may be the novelty of the moment talking, but:

    This is probably one of the 100 greatest things I’ve ever seen.

    A serving size based on time! Time! Product has mass and volume and you measure it out by time. Of course you do. But I think it is still kind of amazing in its own right.

  11. Plays: 68

    (136 seconds)

    The ambient noise in my memory palace at some point became primarily podcasts, but—every once in a while—I’ll hear something that sounds like it could have been part of a quick swell of horns and have a half-formed thought* that is located in a very specific and a very cluttered corner, and then I can literally feel myself being swept up by a tiny tempest of obsession

    It usually passes eventually.

    It’s probably for the best. I pretty much never sweep.  

    *While they are kind of distinguishable, I feel that at this point I don’t know enough to accurately identify the 16. 

  12. 23:00 1st Apr 2014

    Notes: 1

    Good Day Sunsphere?
Good Day Sunsphere.

    Good Day Sunsphere?

    Good Day Sunsphere.

  13. 11:33

    Notes: 3

    You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.

    1. George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you, boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on - and as I made my way past the breakers, a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things, but I tell you, Jerry, at that moment - I was a Marine Biologist! ...The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli! I got about fifty feet out and suddenly, the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya, he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence, he let out a great bellow. I said, "Easy, big fella!" And then, as I watched him struggling, I realized that something was obstructing its breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!
    2. Jerry: Mammal.
    3. George: Whatever.
  14. image: Download

    "…so, does one of these have a daughter in it?"

    "…so, does one of these have a daughter in it?"

  15. 15:30 30th Mar 2014

    Notes: 1

    image: Download

    Found: Tiny Hear-No-Evil Monkey.Location: Next To Car in Parking Lot.New Vocation: Unlicensed Confessor.

    Found: Tiny Hear-No-Evil Monkey.
    Location: Next To Car in Parking Lot.
    New Vocation: Unlicensed Confessor.