I remember thinking, This is the best moment of my entire life and the worst moment of his.
Show your manuscript to a guy in your lab, a guy in a lab down the hall, and your wife.
Old-timey scientist adage, the point of which is to ensure that technical problems, clarity problems, and non-content problems are all caught.
[bowdlerized text that would have provided context for the following:]
…That makes me sound like I would pay handsomely. I totally would. In hugs. Maybe even in hugs. (Yikes.) I do like contextually appropriate hugs though. It sometimes takes a second or two to adjust to the idea of them, but even a B- hug is still on the good side of the standard curve of experiences.
Awkward Stories that my Former Housemate (and Maybe Some Others, but Mostly Just That One Former Housemate,) Probably Will Enjoy and/or Quietly Delight in Judging
The novelization of this and other electronic communications would be so somehow simultaneously or alternately chaste and tawdry that putting my name on it would be impossible. I think it would be sold in “Teen Fiction”, despite being “Awkward Twenty-Something Fact”. Maybe in the “Cautionary Tales” section of the store. That’s still a section, right?
In the unlikely event that you encounter something that is not covered here, find a woman named Elizabeth Lemon, get her advice, and then do the opposite.